January.27th/14
Guess I'm slacking. Didn't really feel like doing anything yesterday, especially blogging. It's just been another draining week. Tomorrow will mark 2 weeks since we lost our beloved Daisy Mae, and although we all have moved on in our day to day lives, the pain still lingers of her not being around.
So last week........... Pretty laid back, didn't really do much. Besides go to school, but I do that anyways, which is where I'm at now. The week started kind of somber......... Pain still lingering, especially with Emma, b/c as much as Daisy was technically my moms, she really was Emma's dog. Anyways, I had tried so hard to go to mum & dad's and we just couldn't do it, with Adam working so much. So Tuesday, I got to leave school early, I went grocery shopping, had lunch with one of my friends, and went home. I made the decision to go to moms and get the wood split. We had a Blizzard warning in effect for Wednesday, so we wanted to make sure mom and dad had enough wood to go for the next little while. I went home, put away the groceries, and grabbed all of our stuff. Off to the school I go, and pick up the girls. We head out to Nana and Pops for an evening of wood splitting. The atmosphere was just weird. It was weird that I only had one dog to let outside.......... It was weird to only have the one dog to let run around the 20 acres with the kids. It was just a very weird feeling. So I tell Sweetums to go out for a pee, but he was soo full of excitement that we were there, that he didn't want to leave our side. After getting the girls homework done, I bundle up, and head out back to get the truck and set everything up to split wood. Nik came with me, b/c she's my country bumpkin, and loves being outside. Emma on the other hand, could be accounted for inside. She's not much of an outdoors-y girl in the winter time. Especially now. Anyway, head out back, and once Sweetums realizes I'm not going back in, he runs to the field, does his business, and then plays with Nik. They played so much she actually tired him out.
My dad came home around 4, and came out back to help split wood. It was great. We talked about the week and I vented to him about how I felt towards a certain person. And although I can't prove what they did, they KNOW they did what they did, and as a result, we have a dead dog. I know I'm being vague....... In a nut shell, my aunt across the road from my parents, kept bitching to my parents that the dogs are being neglected, which they weren't, but again, that's what happens when other people stick their nose in shit they don't know. So she phones the SPCA, or Humane Society as we call it, and has them come out and tell us that the dogs are not being cared for. They can't say who called unless they charge us, so my dad said as blunt as can be (wonder where I get it from?? LOL) either charge me or get the fuck off my property. Since then, the dogs have been in the house non-stop. They're Mountain dogs!! They LIVE for the snow!!! It's what they do!!! When it snows, they run out and roll in it. They have two coats of fur, so needless to say, they die of the heat being in a house that's pumping constant wood heat! They're just not the type of dogs you keep locked up in a house. They need to be outside!!! However, she didn't view things like that. She saw it as "Those poor puppies!!" We always have the dogs outside for the day, as we're not home, and then we have them in for the night. That wasn't good enough for that nose bag, no sir! I just know in my own heart that if she had of kept her speculations to herself, we would still have her. And I know there is a lot of "if's" floating around, and what's happened has happened, but it's just one of those feelings where you know you're right!
The morning of the accident, the driver of the truck went and asked my aunt if it was her dog. So she knew about it before us. And every Sunday they go to breakfast with my parents and other family members. Doesn't that prissy bitch not even offer a condolence to mom about the whole situation!?!?!? I was floored!! All I can say is I hope the guilt eats at her! I hope she realizes what she's done and keeps her nose where it belongs from now on.
*Sigh* Fuck I hate not having her around! So back to splitting wood! Dad and I split until almost 6pm, and just before the sun went down, I went to the back field, in behind an old run down barn. The barn has been there since my dad was a boy. (Dad lives in his childhood home FYI)! Behind the barn, and just into the woods a bit is a clearing. It's on a bit of a hill and if you turn and sit in front of the pine trees you can look out over the fields. It's a fantastic spot to watch the sunset! That's where you'll find our Daisy Mae. In front of the biggest pine and in a 3X3 square is a grave that sits nestled just underneath the tree. Here is where my dad laid her to rest. He placed her in the grave in such a way that she's looking out over the field and sunset. He told me that he figured "She would want to look out into the field where you could usually find her with Emma!" I sat down in front of it, and Sweetums by my side, laying over it perfectly. I rubbed his belly and watched as he closed his eyes. You could see the pain he felt of losing his sister. I began to sob uncontrollably. Sweetums lifts his head to see me cry, and nuzzles his head in to my side. I'm there for him, just as he's there for me. It was a beautiful moment for both of us. It's funny how, as I write that, I break into tears, because the pain still lingers so deeply. And you don't realize how painful it is until you speak of it.
When I reflect back on the last week, I realize that b/c of this accident, it's given my children insight to how life really works, and that at times life really isn't fair. However, you keep your head high, and try to truck on as best you can. I am a firm believer in that, God does not give you anything you can't handle. And although it sucks, and it hurts, and you wish for things to change, destiny always takes it's place.
Like the old song goes:
Que Sera Sera
Whatever will be will be
The future's not ours to see
Que Sera Sera
What will be will be
Till next time!
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